CCTV of 40 foot spider?
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CCTV of 40 foot spider?
Sir Cliff Richard’s version of Summer Holiday topped the singles chart in 1963
A cover version of Sir Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday by Bedfordshire Police has received a mixed reception.
The song, which topped the chart in 1963, has been given a “light hearted” reworking by the force, with the lyrics changed to promote crime prevention.
Sally Rodé, a fan of 55 years, said it was a “fun” tribute.
But on Twitter, @john_pile suggested the police should write a song encouraging people to stop “stabbing and shooting each other”.
The music of the song, which was taken from the film of the same name, has been kept the same for the new version of the track which was recorded voluntarily by an officer at the force.
But the lyrics have been changed to lines including: “We’re gonna shut the windows tightly, we’re gonna leave a light on too.
“We’ve made sure the doors are locked up, so burglars can’t get through.”
‘Holiday ruined’
Ms Rodé, 62, said: “People will listen and, I hope, take on board the messages as well as recall those halcyon days when Cliff drove that red double decker bus on our cinema screens.”
Another avid fan, Sandie McGreish, who has been involved with the East Anglian Cliff Richard fan club, was less impressed.
“Nice idea,” she said. “But thankfully it won’t be a hit.”
Andrea Briggs, e-communications manager at Bedfordshire Police, said the song was a new approach to encouraging people to stay safe.
“No-one wants to have their holiday ruined because they failed to take a few easy steps to secure their home,” she said.
“We were hoping to do a video to support the song, on a bus, and did contact Sir Cliff Richard but unfortunately he wasn’t available.”
Ms Briggs said the song would be streamed via the police website and circulated via its social media outlets.
A spokesperson for Sir Cliff Richard said he was currently on tour and unavailable for comment.
Police do safety message cover of Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday

‘I’m sure I heard him say to the matron, “We don’t come here for our health”
Two police officers stand guard outside the London Clinic on Harley Street - any thoughts on what the officer on the right is saying to the officer on the left?
‘giffgaff’ mobile phone advert – filmed in Brockham, Surrey – anyone spot Bob?
Question: How many police does it take to move a mobility scooter? Answer: Two police patrol cars and a PCSO
The scooter was being driven to a nearby police station in Salisbury following the arrest of a man on suspicion of theft and assault.
Police decided the easiest way of getting the scooter to the police station was to ask a PCSO to ride it there, escorted by two marked patrol cars.
A passenger in a vehicle passing took footage of the incident which was later posted on the LiveLeak website under the title ‘Wiltshire Police Mobility Scooter Convoy Awkward’.
The film, which was recorded on Saturday, shows the mobility scooter being driven slowly along a cycle path and being escorted by two police cars.
Wiltshire Police posted a link to the video clip on the force’s Facebook page.
A force spokesman said: “Wiltshire Police needed to move the mobility scooter to a safe location following the arrest of a man on suspicion of theft and assault.”
“This was the quickest and safest way to do this.”
We seem to have forgotten that boys will be boys
Our culture has lost its ability to channel the boisterousness of young men
It’s fruitless asking how to change male behaviour: we can’t and never will
When Winston Churchill was a very young man he did something so stupid and irresponsible it could have cost us the war. During a game of chase with his cousin and his brother he found himself trapped on a bridge and, not wishing to be caught, he leapt over the side, tried to grab a fir tree, fell 29ft, ruptured a kidney and spent the next three days in a coma.
This would never happen now, of course. It just wouldn’t be allowed. First, young Winston would have learnt early on from his female primary school teachers that such boisterousness isn’t natural. Second, the message would have been reinforced by our rampant health and safety culture that reckless risk-taking poses a threat not only to the individual but also to the very fabric of society.
Perhaps this is the reason for all that pent-up male aggression noted by a Bristol judge yesterday, when sentencing two young men who’d got involved in a drunken brawl. Why, Crown Court recorder Frank Abbott wanted to know, had they insisted on having a fight?
Why couldn’t they have behaved as chaps used to when he was a student: “We would go shinnying up a telegraph pole then went naked in the swimming pool, but we didn’t go around punching each other.”
No indeed. Though I’m not quite of Abbott’s generation, I can very much identify with what he’s saying. Yes, as young men, we all sought regularly to get as heinously drunk as we possibly could. But never once did anyone I knew use this as an excuse to inflict violence on another person. First, we would have considered it ugly, brutish and wrong; second – and just as important – we would have thought it an appalling breach of etiquette.
The point of getting drunk was not to be unpleasant but to show spirit. Sure, that spirit might occasionally involve a bit of wanton destruction or light criminality (pinching a policeman’s helmet being the holy grail), but any violence was a regrettable adjunct of the exercise rather than its main purpose. You were doing it to show how bold, uninhibited and fearless of the consequences you were, rather than because you had any desire to inflict misery or pain on anyone.
This is a subtle but key difference. As we know from literature going back at least as far as Roman times, the testosteronal boisterousness of young men has always been a problem.
But our various cultures found ways of channelling it and absorbing it.
War was the most practical solution. But when that wasn’t available, there was always practice for war (archery, jousting, fencing, etc), sublimated combat (in the form of games, athletics contests, motor racing and so on) or ritualised male buffoonery such as you see at Oxbridge drinking clubs or on stag weekends.
Some of these safety valves still exist, of course, but they’re not nearly as prevalent (sport is an increasingly rare luxury at state schools), nor are they as culturally valued. In Victorian times, everything from the novels of G A Henty to cigarette cards featuring W G Grace to poems such as Newbolt’s “Vitai Lampada” celebrated the vital social necessity of manly courage against the odds. Today we find that sort of attitude rather embarrassing.
Regrettably so, I think. As I’ve seen from my own children’s school experiences, boys tend to perform better when they’ve got male teachers who can empathise with their natural thuggish idiocy than female ones who just want to pathologise it. In our feminised, sanitised times, we seem to have forgotten that boys will be boys and always will do stupid, dangerous things.
That’s why it’s fruitless asking how to change male behaviour: we can’t and never will. Rather, we should be asking ourselves how we’d like our silly young men to behave: like those brawling lads up before judge Abbott. Or, as I’d prefer, like Winston.
Joyce Grenfell – “Nursery School”
Plus: White Britons ‘will be minority’ by 2066, says professor
Herbie Hancock will lead celebrations for the second annual International Jazz Day which has events in 80 countries for 2013.
Someone to Watch over Me – Dave Brubeck

The police have always had their own language. But their often-mocked manner of speaking to the public displays a streak of comic genius, says Charles Nevin.
As we tweet, text, abbreviate and generally truncate our way through this frantic life, it’s good to know that there is at least one small area of public discourse where a relish for orotundity and a delight in stately sarcasm still flourish. I refer, of course, to those upstanding upholders of order, our police.
Others have noted the increased number of open-collared black shirts, the fleeces, the high-visibility jackets, the retreat of the helmet in favour of caps and the growing amounts of paramilitary paraphernalia.
I would rather take you to a recent Saturday evening outside Winchester railway station, where a car is waiting at traffic lights to proceed in a direction clearly marked as being for the use of buses alone.
A police car pulls up alongside. The officer at the wheel indicates that the window of the offending car should be opened. He then says: “Good evening, sir. I’m struggling to see exactly what resemblance there might be between you and a bus.”
“This often-mocked manner of speaking can give both sides a bit of a laugh at the same time”
Marvellous, is it not? The mots all justes, the tone expertly calibrated between light and heavy, the emphases – “sir”, “exactly” – beautifully judged, the timing of the pause between the two sentences and the elaborate punchline equal to a Les Dawson.
The squirming traffic regulation violator was, you might have guessed, your correspondent. I explained that I had been advised to take this route by a taxi driver in the station rank. He’d said it would be all right, given Winchester’s implacable one-way system, even though you weren’t really supposed to do it.
The officer listened politely to this faltering account. Unsurprisingly, he was unimpressed. “Never listen to a taxi driver, sir,” he said, before suggesting that I would be unlikely to do it again, wouldn’t I, and delivering a slap to his wrist with a meaningful glance.
Now I wouldn’t like to give you the impression that I am a serial offender, but last year I had another encounter with a police officer, on the M5 motorway, along which I had been proceeding at a speed some several miles an hour above the statutory limit.
This officer gave me a firm lecture before inquiring, “Might I ask what age you are, sir?” I gave a reply not unadjacent to the statutory limit on a single carriageway. “Well, sir, might I advise you to start acting it?”

The speed for cars proceeding along a single carriageway in an orderly fashion
Discretion, mercy, wisdom, wit – but, above all, fine examples of the power of this often-mocked manner of speaking to allow respect and consent between state and citizen, and to give both sides a bit of a laugh at the same time.
It’s tempting to say that this is a technique unique to the good old British bobby, but we should mention that it’s not always applied when it might be (and is a little tricky in the middle of, say, a riot), and that the services have always had a good line in it, too.
The late King Hussein of Jordan, for example, when a cadet at Sandhurst, was addressed by a sergeant major during drill as “Mr Hussein, sir, you ‘orrible little King”.
Nor is it confined to Britain, as anyone who has visited the United States will know (thank you, that officer in Las Vegas, for the pertinent question-and-answer session on why a flashing sign reading “Don’t Walk” means that you shouldn’t walk).
A list of phrases used by US officers in court demonstrates the origins of a way of talking which has come to be used in all areas of police work. “I observed the subject fleeing on foot from the location,” runs one, rather than, “He ran away”.
My favoured American example, though, demonstrates the slightly more direct approach in the US: a Briton passing through LA international airport made the mistake of going to pat a sniffer dog and was loudly admonished by its handler: “Do not touch the federal agent!”
Charles Nevin is a journalist, humorist and author.
THE Elysée Palace was the laughing stock of the internet after its website tribute on the
death of Margaret Thatcher – and managed to mangle the English on the soundtrack so that it was impossible to understand.
The original tribute was written in decent English but the website had a “Listen” button for sight-impaired users … and that used a robot-like woman’s voice that produced worse than franglais with no attempt to follow English pronunciation rules.
Worse than the worst efforts of Allo Allo, it can be heard in its original form at Rue 89 website
Saying she was a “great figure who made a deep impression on her country’s history” the Ecouter button produced a voice straight off the railway station Tannoy that turned the phrase into “Grate figure ouo made a dipe impression one i countriz istori”.
Worse was the phrase “The relationship she maintained with France” which mutated into “Ze relation zipé sacheu main ténède ouide François”.
It ends by with President Hollande expressing “his solidarity with the British people” or “express heez solidareeti weez ze Breetish payopl”.
It took 10 days for someone to notice that there was a problem. Although it was fixed quickly after that, it left Hollande’s staff with egg on their faces and did nothing France’s reputation for speaking English.
Here is what the Elysée said in its tribute:
‘Margaret Thatcher’s death marks the disappearance of a great figure who made a deep impression on her country’s history during her 11 years as British Prime Minister.
Throughout her public life, holding true to her firm conservative beliefs, she cared about the United Kingdom’s influence and the defence of her country’s interests.
The relationship she maintained with France was always frank and loyal. She forged a constructive, fruitful dialogue with François Mitterrand. Together, they committed themselves to strengthening ties between our two countries. And it was at this time when Mrs Thatcher gave decisive impetus to the construction of the Channel Tunnel.
President Hollande extends his deepest and very sincere condolences to Margaret Thatcher’s family and close friends and expresses his solidarity with the British people.’
Elysée mangles Thatcher tribute

Margaret Thatcher arrived at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter apologetically said -
“Sorry we are not quite ready for you yet. We are sending you back to your old job for a few days.”
In a puff of smoke she was back in Westminster.
Ten minutes later, Abu Qatada was on a plane to Jordan.
Supporters of Baroness Thatcher are hoping to propel a rival song, the Notsensibles’ 1979 track I Love Margaret Thatcher, to number one, as a move against the anti-Thatcher anthem Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.
The anti-Thatcher anthem Ding Dong the Witch is Dead has seen a surge in popularity since Baroness Thatcher’s death and looks set to retain a top slot when the Official Chart Show airs on Sunday.
Supporters of Baroness Thatcher now are hoping to propel a rival song, the Notsensibles’ 1979 track I Love Margaret Thatcher, to number one.
A group called “I’m In Love With Margaret Thatcher for #1” is pushing for the 1979 punk track to re-enter the charts due to its pro-Thatcher lyrics: “I’m in love with Margaret Thatcher/I’m in love with Margaret Thatcher/ I’m in love … with Maggie T”
The video shows the band performing the song in 2008 at a gig at Hebden Bridge in Yorkshire.
‘I’m In Love with Margaret Thatcher’ anthem aiming to rival ‘witch’ song in charts
I thought this was hilarious.
If you click here it will take you to the BBC website where you can answer some simple questions. It will then give you a result of which group they estimate you are in.
Now, I am working class. Always was, always will be. I fail to see how income should affect that. Yes I know I went up the ranks a bit but I still had to work for a living. One of my best friends (I tell him he is “posh”) was brought up in a military family, spent much of his early life in Malaysia, went to public schools, a good university and then taught at one of the schools he went to. He is now retired. I would have said he was “middle class”. I came out in the Elite group. My friend was in the Working Class group. Apparently I should have gone to public school, should have gone to a top university and have a wide range of friends in various jobs and go out to the theatre, opera etc. I did not have a private education, I went to university through a police scholarship but I confess I do have a wide and varied group of friends from farm workers to top executives We occasionally we go to the theatre and rarely the opera. This it seems to be based on – well mostly my wife’s income and my pension. Is this a sign that the society we live in is dominated by income and wealth? Sad if it is.
Why don’t you give it a go? It is worth a laugh.
Me, I shall continue to be proud of my lowly background
The original TWTWTW “I know my place” skit …
but I also like this later version with Steven Fry …
I know my place …. ![]()